The rules of engagement for a comic book shop.

As I wandered aimlessly about Middlesbrough like I often do I thought i'd make my way over to Forbidden Planet, my local comic book store, to see if anything new was in worth burning my disposable income on. As I walked in and all eyes of the staff locked onto me and continued to follow me round whilst I browsed it got me thinking. Are they like this with everyone?

My music was pretty loud (Deaf Havana, meet me halfway at least) and the shops fairly quiet, so I could spooked them. Or was it the way I looked? Jeans, checkered shirt and my long grey coat? Not exactly chav scum, but my hairs just been shaved back down to the hitler youth cut so maybe they fear anything that isn't geled up spikes or an emo fringe.

As I was browsing the art books (Someone please give me £75 for an Ashley Wood book) I remembered when my ex went to the shop by herself to get me a present (Tragical comedy of Mr Punch I think) and she admitted that as soon as she walked in, she felt completely out of her depth, which got me wondering, first timers need to know how to deal with the curious creature that is, a comic book salesman.

1) Confidence - Make sure you know what your talking about BEFORE you go in. If you walk up to the counter and ask for a batman book, you're going to get laughed out of the shop. They will expect you to know which issue, which story arc and who wrote it. So if you're going in for a friend/to get a present do research!

2) Respect - Don't thumb up eveything you touch! The owners of these shops are extremely protective of their stock, because they know just how much its worth. If you walk in off the street and get greasy finger prints over a £25 graphic novel, they will make your life difficult. Volume is another part of this. As previously mentioned these shops are usually very quiet, like librarys almost, so just it down and the shopkeep wont get spooked by your obvious grasp of social skills.

3) Broke it? You're buying it - Pretty self explanatory, so just be careful with the stock.

4) Prices - Don't be alarmed at the cost. If you wander about gasping and exclaiming at how expensive things are they will smell a newbie a mile off. Its a comic book store, it is very expensive, but its usually worth it if you appreciate this kind of stuff (although there are some stupidly expensive things).

5) Small talk at the till - They don't care who its for, or if you've been waiting for this to come out for ages. Get in, pay, get out. If they wanted to interact with people they wouldn't work in a comic book store. Don't prolong the awkwardness.

So there you go, my suggestions to make the trip to your friendly neighbourhood comic book shop bearable. I mean i'm sure not all shops like this are as hostile as I have made out, but you can never be too careful.